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1. Người đẹp thì làm ta chú ý còn người làm dáng thì bởi vì là họ … chú ý đến ta.
2. Vợ ngày xưa thường “nâng khăn sửa túi” cho chồng. Vợ ngày nay thường “ngửi khăn lục túi” của chồng.
3. “Một nụ cười bằng mười thang thuốc bổ” nhưng nếu bạn cười với một cô gái trước mặt vợ mình thì nụ cười ấy lại là một chai thuốc… đỏ.
4. Người cho ta tiền là thầy ta, người cho ta mượn tiền là bạn bè ta, người lúc nào cũng muốn lấy tiền của ta ấy là… vợ ta!
5. Có tiền mua tiên cũng được, nhưng đừng mua một “tiên nữ”, vì như thế bạn sẽ không còn tiền.
6. Theo luật Hôn nhân gia đình thì đàn ông (con trai) ít ra cũng được tự do 20 năm (trước khi cưới vợ).
7. Nhậu nhiều thì vợ buồn, nhậu ít thì bạn bè buồn, còn không nhậu thì… mình buồn.
8. Hôn nhân là nghệ thuật sống chung hai người mà vẫn giữ được hạnh phúc như khi còn sống độc thân.
9. Người ta thường dùng lửa để thử vàng, dùng vàng thử đàn bà, dùng đàn bà thử đàn ông và dùng đàn ông để sai đi nhóm lửa.
10. Người đàn ông đầu tiên so sánh phụ nữ với một đóa hồng là một thi sĩ, còn người thứ hai so sánh như thế là một người thiếu… kinh nghiệm.
11. Được tăng lương cũng giống như uống ly rượu, nó nâng tinh thần ta lên nhưng chỉ trong chốc lát thôi.
12. Nếp nhăn… là cái mà chỉ người khác có. Còn bạn chỉ có những “đường cá tính” mà thôi.
13. Lương tâm: Đó là cái buộc ta phải kể với vợ tất cả mọi chuyện trước khi có ai đó mét với bả.
14. Hăy luôn nhớ rằng bạn là người độc đáo, cũng như… những người khác.
15. Thời trang phụ nữ giống như hàng rào kẽm gai – bảo vệ dinh cơ nhưng không giới hạn tầm nhìn.
16. Nếu người chồng im lặng trong gia đình, nghĩa là vợ anh ta có tài năng của một nhạc trưởng.
17. Hôn nhân cũng giống như số pi (quan trọng trong toán học: tự nhiên)
18. Nếu một phụ nữ không chịu lấy chồng, người ta bảo cô ta có tính độc lập cao. Còn nếu một người đàn ông không chịu lấy vợ, người ta bảo hắn ta không dám dấn thân.
19. Phụ nữ luôn sẵn sàng tha thứ. Nhưng họ không bao giờ quên những gì họ đã tha thứ.
20. Trong 24 tháng đầu tiên của cuộc đời một
đứa trẻ, người ta dạy chúng đi và nói. 24 tháng tiếp theo, họ sẽ bảo chúng ngồi yên và câm miệng.
21. Phụ nữ và các nhà dự báo thời tiết giống nhau ở chỗ họ thường chỉ thừa nhận mình đã lầm chứ không sai!
22. Bis: Phụ nữ cũng giống như ” lốp xe đạp “. Nhưng xét về công dụng thì ….. ngược chiều :
=> Lốp xe phải bơm xong rồi mới đạp được
=> Còn phụ nữ thì cần phải … “đạp toát xí cấu xong rồi mới bơm !”.
23. Cô gái già là phụ nữ không thành công trong việc kiếm chồng, còn trai già là đàn ông thành công trong việc kiên quyết không lấy vợ.
24. Ba giai đọan của một đời người: tin vào ông già Noel, không tin vào ông già Noel và làm ông già Noel.
25. Đàn ông tốt có ở khắp mọi nơi trên thế giới, trừ dưới mái nhà của chính vợ mình.
26. Đàn ông tha thứ rồi quên đi, còn đàn bà thì chỉ tha thứ.
27. Tất cả đàn ông đều có lúc lầm lỗi, nhưng người đã có vợ bao giờ cũng nhận ra sai lầm của mình nhanh hơn./.
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