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NƯỚC MẮM HÂM

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03
Th11

Có một anh chàng ngu xuẩn chẳng ai bằng; suốt đời anh chàng bị vợ “áp chế”, tuy cũng là biết nhục đấy nhưng vì yếu đuối và ngu xuẩn quá nên phải phục tùng vợ vậy.

Một hôm, có người bạn đến chơi, anh chàng năn nỉ với vợ:

– Này mẹ đĩ ạ, bữa nay tao có khách, vậy mày để cho tao “làm chồng” một bữa. Nghĩa là bao giờ có mặt khách thì mày cho phép tao “cự” mày hay là hò hét gì mặc ý tao, không có, người ta sẽ bảo là nhà này đàn bà lấn át cả chồng, thì nhục cả. Tao yêu cầu để cho tao “oai vệ” một hôm nay thôi vậy.

Chị vợ thấy chồng quanh năm bị đè đầu, nghe nói thế cũng thương tình. Vả nhịn chồng một ngày để đẹp mặt “cả mình lẫn ta” thì liền ưng thuận.

Thế là hôm đó, anh chồng tha hồ làm mưa làm gió trong nhà, chị vợ không hé răng nửa tiếng. Thôi thì tha hồ cho ông tướng “vẫy vùng” hạch sách. Ông khách thấy bạn có thế lực đối với vợ, lấy làm phục lắm. Bữa cơm dọn lên, ông khách đã thấy đủ món ngon lành sốt dẻo cả rồi, thế mà bạn mình vẫn cứ luôn mồm chê và gắt:

– Bát giả cầy này hỏng! Mẹ nó làm mặn quá!

-Giời ạ, thịt gà gì mà lại chặt thế này?

– Cá rán sao lại có cả vẩy thế này, mẹ nó?

Chị vợ tức ngầm trong bụng lắm, nhưng vẫn cứ tươi cười như không và vẫn đối đáp với chồng rất nhẹ nhàng, lễ phép.

Nhưng anh chồng không mấy khi được tự do hống hách trong nhà, nhìn mâm cơm thấy không còn món gì để chê sang nữa, anh ta bực quá. Đến lúc nhìn thấy bát nước mắm, anh chàng mừng như vớ được gậy, vội thét lên:

– Này, mẹ nó! Sao nước mắm không hâm lên, hử!

Ông khách lăn ra cười ngất. Còn chị vợ chàng ngốc, thì không chịu được sự ngu dốt của chồng nữa, liền túm cổ đức lang quân đánh cho một trận nên thân.

Từ đó, những anh chàng “râu quặp” mà thường lên mặt ta đây hống hách đều được người ta gọi là phường “nước mắm hâm”.

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