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Tôi không hiểu sao một từ ngữ có âm sắc của phía Bắc lại dùng để mô tả một hành vi thân thể, một cử chỉ của đa phần những người ở phía Nam.
“Trà chanh chém gió” hay gọn hơn “Chém gió”, tôi chắc là xuất phát từ phía Bắc, người Bắc dùng nhiều, hoặc là những cây viết có lối hành văn, văn phong miền Bắc thường dùng thường nói hơn là những người ở phía Nam. Thay vì “Chém Gió” người miền Nam kêu bằng “Nói Dóc”
Ghi nhận này hoàn toàn chủ quan và cảm tính. Ba tôi có cầm roi mà rượt tôi bảy ngày, bảo tôi chứng minh và truy nguyên cho rạch ròi có chứng có lý cho cái nhận định này thì tôi cũng chỉ có nước… chạy xà quần.
Về nguyên nghĩa, “Chém Gió” là một hành vi của thân thể. Một người khi nói trước số đông (Bất kể khung cảnh, tình huống là gì: trà dư tửu hậu, đám giỗ cuộc nhậu hay diễn thuyết phát biểu trước bàn dân trăm họ mục hạ quan chiêm… Còn “số đông” thì ít nhất cũng vài ba người trở lên cho đến cả hội trường hoặc cả một sân vận động) thường hay đưa bàn tay lên xuống, hươ hươ, phạt phạt chém chém bàn tay vào không khí theo khẩu mạch, khẩu điệu thì đó chính là “Chém Gió”. Tôi không dám “chém gió” mà bảo rằng ta đây Cà Mau cũng suốt mà Lạng Sơn cũng tường; nhưng thật tình, qua nhiều năm quan sát và để ý, tôi mạnh miệng cho rằng đây là cử chỉ, điệu bộ đa phần là của người miền Nam hơn là miền Bắc. Thế mà từ “chém gió” lại của Bắc “đặt ra” và dùng nhiều-nếu không nói là độc quyền- hơn Nam. Kể ra cũng hơi oái ăm và “quái” nhỉ. Lý giải cho thông cái điều “hơi oái ăm” này chắc cũng… hơi dài và mệt. Xin để cho bác nào “tư cách” hơn.
Chém gió lớt lớt về cái sự “Chém Gió” coi bộ khoẻ hơn nhiều. Vậy thì trước hết, ngữ nghĩa “Chém Gió” mang, chứa đựng những “nội hàm” gì?
World Cup qua lâu rồi. Nỗi sướng khổ khi thưởng thức bình và “loạn” của Vờ-tới-Vịt cũng đã quên rồi; nhưng thử nghe lại một màn chém gió nhân mùa WC nhé:
– Này, nghe tin gì chưa?
– Tin gì?
– Văn phòng Toà Bạch ốc đã nhận đủ một trăm ngàn chữ ký vào kiến nghị yêu cầu TT Obamma ra lệnh đình chỉ cái ông “Tự” Biên rồi Cương lên làm nhiễu thiên hạ đang lúc thưởng thức trận đấu hay rồi đấy.
– ………………
Chém gió “mùa” Biển Đông:
– Này, tớ có tin độc từ ngoài Biển mới a-lô vào đây..
– Gì thế?
– Giữa lúc bọn tàu chiến của Khựa hăng say rượt đuổi các tàu kiểm ngư mặt “diện” của ta thì một bộ phận “mũi” mấy hải đội thuyền nan gọn nhẹ do Đại Ca lãnh đạo chỉ huy đã tổ chức một “trận đánh đẹp” luồn lách thọc sâu vào cận sườn thằng HD981 làm cho nó phải một phen lung lay chao đảo. Cứ tiếp tục dăm ba “trận đánh đẹp” như này nữa thì thế nào thằng ăn cướp ấy cũng phải tháo lui…
Chém gió là thế đấy. Là nói dóc nói xạo. Nói những chuyện không có thông tin xác thực và bổ ích. Là nói bá xàm bá láp đủ thứ chuyện dựng đứng trời ơi vô nghĩa vô duyên. Là nói phét linh tinh cũng có khi là thực hư lẫn lộn nhưng vô hại vô bổ chẳng chết thằng Tây nào, đao to búa lớn, nội hàm nội hiết lung tung mà chẳng có một gam giá trị thực sự nào.
Cơ sự là sao thế nhẩy? Ừ, thì bí bách quá mà. Có biết sự thực là mô. Ai biết bà cô ở chổ nào. Thôi thì cứ pháo đại cho nó vui mồm. Tìm biết cái “thực” ở đâu mà ra. Biết cái “thực” chổ nào mà tin mà “dẫn”. Chém gió cho vui mà lành.
Chém gió còn là gì nữa. Còn. Là nói phiếm, chit chat lung tung mà chẳng đem lại một kết thúc thực sự có giá trị gì. Là nói tào lao thiên địa mà chẳng được cái tích sự gì.
Sao thế nhỉ? Ủa, chứ nói “thực lòng”; Nói ‘tâm’ Nói ‘huyết’ rồi ra được mấy cái giải rút. Bất lực trước hiện trạng. Vô phương vô cách để nước dính lại trên cái lá khoai. Nhà bác cho dù có mấy tạ mấy tấn “kiên” với “tâm” mà cứ nai lưng ra tát hoài cho nước thấm được trên mặt lá môn mà không mỏi em xin bái bác bằng thánh. Chém gió để bớt nổi ẩn ức bất lực cho nó nhẹ người.
Chém gió là sao nữa nhỉ? Là nói vớ nói vẩn. Là nói cái điều mình tự phịa ra, tự mình nghĩ ra, tự mình nói ra. Không theo văn mẫu. Không phải đón gió. Cái trụ điện góc phố trên nó đã nói thế. Cái cây bàng phố dưới nó cũng y bài. Thêm cái bác hoa sữa chênh chếch chỗ quảng trường hộp diêm kia cũng lại y chang một pho định hướng. Thôi thì bà cứ phát theo ý bà. Bà phát tào lao cũng được miễn khác với thằng trụ điện mà chẳng chết thằng tây nào là ổn-(Ủa, mà “tây” nào vô đây nhỉ!).
Chém gió còn là gì nữa nhỉ?. Còn. Đã chém gió thì …làm sao hết được người ơi… Có hết trà hết cà phê thì có. Mà hết trà thiệt rồi các bác ạ. Thôi thế nhé.
Nhưng mà xin hỏi thêm cái này. Quân nào chém gió thế. Tất tần tật. Chỉ có cụ Tổng là không “chém” thôi. Cụ nói thật tới hồi cuối thế kỷ ấy mà. Cơ khổ cụ. Cả một thời chém gió cụ lại đi khai thật. Còn lại chém tuốt. Chị Phó chém gió “gấp cả ngàn lần” này. Chú Ba Thánh chém “hốt liền hốt liền” mà rốt cuộc… hiền như lốt này…, bác Người-Hiền chém gió nhất quyết ba chống để ông giáo họ Đỗ tưởng thật mới chổng banh chè này… Ui chao, biết cơ man nào mà kể…
Mà bác có cả gan chịu khó đi pha bình trà mới để chịu trận cho em chém gió từ giờ tới sáng đây không đã chứ?. ./.
LANG-VƯỜN
4-8-2014.
-Này,sáng giờ biến đi đâu thế ?
-Trà chanh chém gió chứ biến báo quái gì.
…………………………………………………..
-Khi nãy bên bàn các cậu bàn luận tranh cãi chuyện gì mà sôi nổi thế?
-Chém gió chứ bàn luận đếch gì.
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